A new company

Last April 30, 2012, we celebrated our first year here in Canada. I can assure you that a lot of things have changed. Some of them include my financial and time management skills, work responsibilities, social life, the way i dress and present myself to other people, how i think, and a whole lot more.

Inspite of all these changes, some matters still remain the same. One of these matters that will always remain unchanged no matter what is how I miss my relatives and friends back in the Philippines. Yeah. I've made some friends from school and work here in Canada but they're just not enough to meet the level of closeness I've had with my friends back in my home country.  This is what I felt before I met you. 

Before, I was really pushing my luck to find some company who can boost my down spirit.  I was hoping that I would find a new "barkada" whom I could go with to the malls, movies, or to sleepovers. But lately,  these feelings of longing and emptiness are slowly getting out of my system. Don't get me wrong. I still miss my friends terribly and I am still hoping to find a new group to be with. What I am trying to say is that I somewhat found an outlet to these feelings. 

From the moment we've became friends, my down spirit has been slowly rising up  and trying to catch up with the things that I've missed in my days of sadness. As we get to know each other, we've found out that we have a lot of similarities as well as differences which led to some arguments that made our conversations even better.  

As the days and weeks progress, I am always looking forward to our small talks and everyday text messages. Our conversations maybe full of random and non-sensible things for others (barahan, asaran and other stuffs), but for me, every message is meaningful. Unknowingly, you've helped me ease up my sadness. :) I was able to get through and happiness is slowly filling up my empty jar.  I've found a company in you and for me, that's more than enough. Kamsahamnida. 

You've said a lot of times during our conversations that you like me. But right now, I am still in doubt whether they're just a part of your jokes and pick-up lines. Am I being an old lady here? HAHA.  

I have always been, and will always be, the type of person who finds expressing emotions and feelings a really difficult task. I kinda hate myself for being the kind of girl who would rather keep her mouth shut and hide what she really feels rather than letting them out. Stupid, I know. These are the reasons why I answered "Sa tingin mo?" when you asked me if i like you. 

If only I would be brave enough to tell you how I really feel right in front of your face. But I can't do that at the mean time, unfortunately. I am still waiting for your serious and honest confession of what you really feel. I just can't take the risk. I just can't.

Now what I am trying to tell you is, please stay. And if you're still wondering about my answer to your question, here it is...  I'm falling. :)

This post is open to the public, but I doubt it if YOU would be able to read this one. Let's see.  

And for those of you who were patient enough to read this, i hope it stays between you, me and this blog. Pretty please? 

Green and Maroon

Hi there! How are you folks? :) It's been a while since I've visited Blogspot. Yeah. You can blame my school works and work schedule for that. Just like before, time and I are still not in good terms and I don't know the exact moment where we would be given the chance to reconcile.

I have a whole bunch of stuff to talk about, but since I only have a few minutes left before I go to my dreamland, I would share about my ex-school, The University of the Philippines Manila. Yes, EX. Since the "pseudo-semestral break" of my previous batch mates has started, that's the mark that says that I am officially out of the UP College Nursing.

It was during the last days of my second year in UPCN that I filed for a Leave of Absence (LOA) for the main reason of having a back-up plan just in case I cannot pursue my studies here in Canada. Education always comes first, as my parents would say. Fortunately, things go the way as I planned regarding my University studies. I passed the English Requirement Exam and I was able to submit my requirements just in time for the Fall term.

And as of this very moment, I am taking my Pre-Nursing courses with gusto. (Here, to be able to enter certain faculties like the Faculty of Nursing, one must take pre-requisite courses with outstanding marks for at least a year or two.) I am starting to love my current school, The University of Manitoba. The campus and the facilities are just awesome. :3

(C) Google Images - The Administration building

Don't get me wrong. I am not bragging these things. I just wanted to point out some things in here. I won't be in this current state without my first university. I am very thankful that I had the chance to experience two years of Nursing education the UPCN way. In spite of the hardships and burdens that UPCN has given me, I am still honoured to be called "Iskolar ng Bayan" even for a very short time. Every sleepless nights, tears and mood swings that I once had is all worth it. Believe me. :> I didn't realize these before because I was still in the system. Now that I am officially out of it, I would not regret the time that I chose UP instead of my full scholarship in Mapua. Add to that the amazing professors, awesome batchmates and true friends that I met while I was on that certain point of my life.

Wherever I am, I still have the UP pride in my heart.

The colours green and maroon will always run in my blood.

And no one can take that away - ever.

So long, UPCN. Thank you so much for a wonderful life-changing journey. I will never ever forget everything that you have taught me. I owe you a lot.

What I have been doing

Wow. It has been exactly two months since my last blog entry. And in this time frame, a LOT of things have happened. I won't be able to share all of it to you but I will try to squeeze my brain to remember the important events that are worth sharing and remembering.

Yesterday, I graduated from a six week program. The journey started last July 4, 2011. I was accepted to join the 32nd Batch of the Youth Employment Network (YEN) Program delivered by Alicia Rae Career Centre in cooperation with the Federal Government of Canada. In this program, we were taught different things about the Canadian workplace. They also helped us to improve our skills and abilities and trained us to get a stable job. Nine of us were fortunate to be included in our so called soulgroup. We were all girls and all "Pinays" which is a first for the centre. Thanks to the YEN program, I met a bunch of wacky ladies who will be my support group and second family here in Winnipeg.

My new found friends

During the first week, we were tested in various learning areas - from our basic school subjects to determine our "Grade level" equivalent here in Canada, to our personalities using the Myerrs-Briggs test. (I'll blog about this one. This is so interesting.) We also had our first paychecks!

Oops. I forgot to tell you that this program provides us an allowance and bus passes. Yes. I know you're confused. We are being taught and being paid at the same time. Weird, isn't it? But that's the way it is!

HAHAHA. Dollars and more Dollars.

In the second week, we started our motivational sessions and had our field trip in The Forks. In the 3rd week, we had our lectures on resumes and cover letters. We also had to make these for our mentor's review. In the 4th week, we had our First Aid/CPR/AED Level C Course. It was absolutely fun! I also learned the importance of calling 911 which I only saw in movies back then.

Certified First Aiders and AED users

Life savers in action

And now, in our 4th - 6th week, we needed to do actual job prospecting. And we already graduated. Hurrray. :> In a few weeks, the nine of us would have a job and a stable income and continue the journey of our lives.

My certificates and my pimply face. PSH.

That's it. This is what I have been doing in the past few weeks. This coming Fall term, September 2011, I will be going back to University. I will also have a part-time job to help me support my studies and my shopping needs.

Wish me luck, friends! :)

Made for you

Why hello there. You have been invading my dream space. Can you tell me why, please?

These past few weeks it has only been you. I wake up in the morning thinking, "What was that? Did that really happen?" Then, I always end up with a confused smile on my face. This would mean nothing for me if it is just a one-day dream or even for two days. But, Hello? Everyday? Isn't it weird? Or, is this your way of making me remember things that I should have done back then?

I didn't forget about that. I mean, seriously, I have had a major regret in my life that I know would linger in my nervous system forever because of you. You were the reason why I was full of what ifs back then. I am afraid that I would do the same mistake again.

You never knew why I didn't give what you have asked for. Well here it is. I was frightened. I was immature. I was a coward. I wasn't ready to face the staring faces of the people around us, most especially, her. I was scared of what the people might think of us.
YES. I was really that weak.

When "the thing" between us was over ( I do not know the exact term on what to call us) , I felt guilty. No, erase that. I felt more like I was being engulfed by my own decisions. That it was all my fault that things between us didn't work out. Bitterness swallowed a portion of me.

But hey! Time has passed. I have moved on but you'll always be a part of me. We're both okay now and that's what's important right? Everything that had happened would forever be remembered in a good way. I never had the chance to say these two words to you sincerely (my reply to your birthday greeting is an exception, of course!) since I didn't think that I needed to do that. But, now, let me say this whole heartedly. THANK YOU. You deserve that. : > Thank you for letting me feel that I am loved, for making me see and feel that I am special. Thank you for the experience you have given me. You have taught me a lot of things, directly and indirectly and these helped me a lot. These made me stronger. Thank you for all the memories.

After a long time, finally, I learned how to share this. It feels so good letting all of these out. This post would now serve as a formal closure for me. Maybe this is why you're bugging me in my dreams. I needed some reassurance for myself, i guess.

Till we meet again,

Patrice 

P.S. I haven't forgotten the "rude" thing that you did, but you are forgiven. HAHA.

Crying Out Loud. Literally.

Paano ko tatagal dito?

Sabihin niyo nga, Paano?

ETO NA ITO. Wala nang atrasan.

8:30 pm

Ngayon lang lubusang nagsisink-in sa akin ang naging desisyon ko na sumama sa kanila papuntang ibang bansa.

Dati naeexcite akong umalis. Pero nitong mga nakaraang araw, unti unti na kong natatakot, at higit sa lahat sobrang nalulungkot.

Ganito pala ang pakiramdam nun. Isipin ko pa lang na ilang linggo, ilang buwan o ilang taon pa bago makita ulit ang mga kaibigan ko, naiiyak at sobrang nalulungkot na ko. Oo, umiiyak ako ngayon. Sasabog na ung lacrimal gland ko oh. Nagsosolo ako sa kwarto baka sabihin nila mukha akong timang. Ehh kasi naman sobrang malapit sila dito ♥.

SOBRA SOBRA TALAGA. :(((( Tsaka nasa Intimacy VS Isolation kaya ako ni Erik Erikson's Stages of Development. Base dito affiliation at love ang strengths ko ngayon. Sa kanila ako kumukuha ng lakas. Eh paano na ngayon? BV talaga.

Pamilya na tingin ko sa mga yun e. Andito yung dalawang itinuturing kong best friends ko. Andito closefriends ko. Andito lahat sila. :|| Shiz. Sorry for the foul word. Hindi ko lang mapigilan sarili ko. Hindi ko lang talaga alam kung paano maglabas ng emotions ngayon. Sorry na. Pagbigyan na ko. Tsaka konti o wala pa naman atang nakakabasa nitong blog na ito sa ngayon.

Sabi nung iba, lalong lalo na nung swimming nung Wednesday, iiyak na. iiyak na. Sabi ko naman, "Hindi kaya. Malakas ako e." Hindi lang nila alam na kaya ako nakayuko sa salbabida at madalas na sumisisid sa pool eh dahil tumutulo na luha ko. Ayoko lang na ipakita yun sa kanila. :||

10:00 na. Hay. Ang haba na. At antagal ko ng nasa harap nitong computer. Sabihin niyo na nagdradrama lang ako, pero hinding hindi ninyo maiintindihan yung nararamdaman ko hangga't wala kayo sa katayuan ko ngayon. Alam ko may facebook, twitter at email naman. Pero...pero... iba pa rin kasi talaga. Ah basta. Pagpasensiyahan na. kinakailngan ko lang ilabas ito. :(

Meron pa kong dapat itext na mga tao. Hindi ko pa sila napapasalamatan. :( Ang hirap kasi. :(( Ang hirap sa kalooban magpaalam. :||

Kung pwede lang. Kung pwede lang na huwag muna kong umalis. Pwede bang next year na lang? :( (

Gusto ko na meron makaimbento ng time machine. Kung sino ka man, bilisan mo na.

Defining Moments.

By simple definition, these are the moments or parts in our lives that define who we are. People who know me well will agree when I say that I have this sentimental part of me that I could never get rid of. I am a person who treasures every little detail in a special moment in my life to the point that I keep memorabilia so as to remember the feeling that I once had.

So, my dearest blog, you would be one of my keep sakes and treasured possessions. Help me share and cherish every moment of my life.

Let's be friends for a long time, okay?


Until then,
Celine Patrice